just dropping by

A middle-aged man sits clutching a borrowed copy of a Tom Clancy novel, pouring over the words, unaware of the man across from him scanning the room impatiently. Or is it nervously? They say a man was shot here a few weeks back. Everyone seems to be on edge, but who am I kidding, that's hunger. Ten more minutes to eight. If you show up drunk, you're going to have to leave.

"You look like you don't wanna be here," he says. "Come sit with me," he says. "You look like a nice snow bunny, but not her. She just look ugly. Now you watch that little girl; once her belly's full, she'll have the devil in her."

The woman at the other end of the table looks up, puts her head back down. It must have been a rough night. Put that baseball cap back over her hair, get her a brush. The couple talks quietly next to her. They could be young or old. They look tired. I feel tired. He's telling me about someone or someone else. The little girl has gone up to get coffee. "You'll see the devil in her soon. Wait until she starts."

There's a lot of waiting here. He had been waiting four months for a job. They wouldn't give him the paperwork he needed to take a job until he finished a class. They wouldn't let him take the class until he had the paperwork, so he went somewhere else, is trying something new. She asks him what he wants from a career center. These kids are idealistic; it's a dumb question. Idealism is not a bad thing. Neither are dumb questions or obvious answers.

The rush comes and goes. Do you want my meat, I won't eat it? Someone here will though. She's lifted her head up again, and she's putting the bread to the side for the birds. The kids are full now and talking about sports and games. They're showing off their treasure and signatures are added to an activity book. He places a necklace around her neck like she is a queen. The one he gave me is purple.

"Do you like my earring? They made it for me." This woman wears a hat over her ruined hair, but she is beautiful. I wear a dirty t-shirt over my ruined heart. Their mother is a deaf mute. Their home is new. She's going to take them to feed birds today. Please hold on to this bread.

The question comes, and I am not prepared with an answer. "No, I will not be here tomorrow. We leave after breakfast. No, I don't know if I'll be back; I don't even know what I'm doing today." But this is a drop in center. I'm sure they'll understand. People often come and go here. Isn't it best not to come back?