do this or else

The radio had been off the whole ride.
Felt like it meant something, driving on a dreary interstate.
The buzz of the road and the peculiarities of the car keeping me ignorant to the most deafening silence I've heard in...I don't know.
It hit me then, my mind raced to catch up to my realization of how alone I was.
I couldn't remember the last time I was actually alone.
I struggled with my appraisal of the situation, not sure how I felt about the whole thing.
In a way, it was beautiful, I guess.

I couldn't get over it for some reason, I don't know why.
If anything I was having some of the most honest and pure thoughts in as long as I could remember.
I guess I was having problems getting a grip on the reality of things.
I felt like I had to do something, I switched lanes and needlessly passed a tractor trailer.
On the side of the truck I got to thinking "What the fuck, you've been acting like a fucking lunatic."
So, I did it. Turned on the radio.
I didn't even have a good CD.

What the fuck was the point of it.
I had a moment, a moment..of clarity, or something.
I ruined it? For what?
I thought about it...did it scare me, knowing how in control of myself...and everything I was.

It was too much, I think.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned up the volume.